Electronic Company

4 am, lonely prone
Read. Type. Click.
I don't want to sleep alone.

"New message" shown.
Spam. Hype. Ick.
4 am, lonely prone.

Up, down phone.
Texting, texting, buttons stick--
I don't want to sleep alone.

Neighbor, Neighbor. are you home?
Toss. Turn. Kick.
4 am and lonely prone.

Lonley, lonely dial tone
Facebook status shtick.
I don't want to sleep alone.

Complain. Refrain. Moan.
Clock. Tock. Tick.
4 am--lonely prone--
I don't want to sleep alone.

Highlights of Last Night's Fondue Dinner

Orin in a green frilly apron.

Tom Jones on vinyl.

My nail that the cheese grater got.

Hot plum brandy.

2 bottles of Pellegrino all for me.

The cheese crust at the bottom of the pot.

Christa's running commentary on Michael Fisher's age.

Song and the stories she told.

Peaches soaked in Brandy for two days.

Tuna Salad Sandwich Perfected

Unfortunately, my photography is not as perfect as my sandwich, but you get the idea.

2 oz quality tuna (imported in olive oil)
1 t. mayo (just for looks)
1 t salt-packed capers, rinsed
1 scoop pickled onions -- see recipe below
1 t. chopped parsley

mix it all together and eat it on not-too-sour sourdough.

Pickled onions: (from the Zuni Cafe cookbook, mostly)
12oz small young red onions, sliced thin
1 cup water
1 cup vinegar
any spices you want (I used pink peppercorns, black peppercorns, 2 cloves, and 3 bay leaves)

Bring the water and spices to a boil. Throw in sliced onions. Cook for one minute. Transfer to jar and let cool. Refrigerate. They're good as soon as they cool...and just get better
the longer you keep them.

Do you know the melon man?

Me either. He looks a bit like a melon himself, rotund with an orang-y hue to both his skin and facial hair. But he gave me a free melon (most likely because I was wearing a short pink skirt, but still...) He asked me not just which day I wanted to eat it, but what time. I thought he was joking, but I just cut it open and it was everything I could do to hold back from gobbling up the entire thing immediately instead of saving it to go with the anchovie pasta Lara and I are making for friends tonight. Unfortunately, I forgot to ask the name of the melon. Or the melon man.

Cream or Sugar with your Tetanus Shot?

Generally, when I've been to a doctor's office, I've felt a bit herded. Sit here. Stand here. Do this. Tell me that. Though, logically I understand that I have the right to say yes, I want this and no, I don't want that, it doesn't ever occur to me to exercise that right. I do whatever they say, leave with a smile, and realize after I get home that I forgot to talk about ANY of the 4 or 5 issues I had been storing up in my head all year as "things to ask the doctor when I go."

Not this time. Oh, no. I went into Kaiser, knowing exactly my problem and exactly the medication I needed. The office visit, I thought, was a mere formality...a way for them to charge my insurance. But I was wrong.

"Hi honey," said the jolly and slightly overweight nurse after she called me in from the waiting room. "I'm Gloria. Would you like to be weighed today?"

"Well, um, okay."

"And what about your height? Should I write down 5'1" or 5'1 and 3/4"?

"Uh, 5"1' should be okay, I guess."

"Just a few questions for you now. Slip on over here so you don't announce everything to the world." She patted the seat next to her. "Now," she lowered her voice to a whisper, "do you smoke?"

More questions followed. Some loud and clear. Others whispered. "Busbar?!" she nearly screamed, "what's that for?" So, yeah, though luckily I was spared from the entire nursing staff thinking that I smoke, they do all know that I'm depressed.

"Okey, dokey. Would you like a tetanus shot today?"

"Well, um, actually I just came in with a UTI."

"OOOOOohh," she was almost yelling now. "Those are just miserable. You poor little thing. Do you have to pee right now? I'll put you in the room right next to the bathroom so you can just run back and forth. Anyway, we can give you a tetanus shot if you like. It's good to get one every 10 years or so."

"Does it say I need a new one on there or something? I don't remember when I got one last."

"Oh, well, if you think it was more than 10 years ago you might want to read up on it. You know, better than getting lockjaw. Let me see if I can figure out how to print this information for you. Darlene? Which one of these tetanus shot websites do you usually print out? Charlie, come fix this computer, it's not working. "

"So, but why are you suggesting a tetanus shot? Does my chart indicate that I need one?"

"Oh, no dear, you certainly don't have to get one. Okay, come right this way." She led me, true to her word, into the room directly across from the bathroom. "Did you want to be examined today?"

"I'm pretty sure I know what I have, but if the doctor needs to make sure, I mean, I don't mind..."

"Okay, well. If you like you can take off your pants or your top whichever you like and just wrap this one or this one (She held up a flowered "robe" and next to it a sheet) around you. See, if you like this one, just fold it in half and wrap it around you like this." Gloria demonstrated holding the sheet tight around her baggy scrubs. "That way everything's not just hanging out. Would you like to do a urine culture?"

"Oh, that's what I wanted to ask you. I started taking antibiotics already and I didn't know if that would mess up the urine test or not..."

"Okay, well, it's up to you. You can or not or you can just talk to the doctor. I'll just leave a cup right here in case you decide you want to. Is there anything I can get for you? Any other procedures you'd like today? A pap perhaps? Or a blood test? No? Okay, well, I'll just leave you to it then. The doctor will be in when she's ready."